What You Never Owed Me

You never owed me forgiveness. You never owed me peace. You never owed me access To the hearts I made retreat. You never owed me comfort While I grieved what I destroyed. Your healing was not mine to claim— And your love was not something owed. I made my sorrow heavy, then I asked you both to lift, As though my own repentance meant your pain should somehow shift. I searched your eyes for evidence that I had finally changed, Then made your hesitation feel like something you should name. I wanted reassurance from the hearts that I had torn, Wanted wounded hands to hold me while I grieved the man reborn. But sorrow is not sacrifice if you must bear the load, And change is not repentance when I’m owed a shorter road. I won’t make you heal me. I won’t make you stay. I won’t use my sorrow To take your choice away. If love means releasing What I once controlled, Then Father, teach these empty hands To bless and not to hold. I expected love and mercy while refusing to confess, Wanted grace to cover choices I would never yet address. I wanted your forgiveness without owning what I chose, Wanted healing in your hearts while keeping my doors closed. I treated accountability like judgment I should flee, Then blamed the ones I wounded when they could not comfort me. I wanted restoration without facing what was lost— I wanted resurrection, but refused to bear the cross. No more mercy without truth. No more blame for what I choose. No more asking you to pay For the man I was yesterday. Accountability means naming Every action that was mine. It means facing every consequence Without calling it unkind. If you never forgive me, I will still refuse the lie. If you never return to me, I will love without reply. I will love you from the distance. I will love you faithfully. I will love you without making Your response responsible for me. Complete love is not possession. Faithful love will honor space. It will never cross a boundary Just to manufacture grace. It will pray without demanding. It will bless without a claim. It will keep becoming truthful When no one applauds the change. Father, heal them from my choices. Give them peace beyond the past. Give them hope for every future— Hope in Christ that always lasts. Let their hearts be free from carrying Any shame that bears my name. Let them know my sin was never theirs, And neither was my blame. You never owed me forgiveness. You never owed me peace. You never owed me access To the hearts I made retreat. So I will love you from the distance, Fully, faithfully, and true. Asking nothing for myself— Only healing now for you. I place you in the Father’s hands And trust what He will do. I will love you both completely— Even if you never ask me to.