My Soul Still Looks for Yours (Arrangement I)

Father, You remember us before the years went wrong— Two young hearts learning where they both belonged. She was the first home this restless heart ever knew. Seventeen years later, mine is still looking for you. We were young when forever first opened its door, You saw past the armor and still wanted more. You knew me before all the running began, Held the heart of the boy underneath the man. I had tenderness near me, but fed my desire, Called a flicker freedom and abandoned the fire. The Father let my stubborn heart follow its choice, Till lust ruled my thinking and drowned out His voice. That judgment was mercy, though bitter and severe— It showed me every treasure I had traded to disappear. I did not leave because your faithful love failed; I left because the hunger in my own mind prevailed. After seventeen years, My heart still turns toward you. Not to make a claim, Just to finally speak the truth: You were the love of my youth, You are the love I could not outrun. And our souls are still looking— Father, lead us where You want. I cheated on the heart that had trusted me whole, Put a wound in our covenant, a distance in our souls. Our daughters grew through seasons I can never reclaim, While you bore the consequence of choices with my name. No ache inside my history can make my betrayal right; Pain may tell me why I ran—it cannot call the running light. I have missed you in the quiet, in the years, in every place, Not a picture of our childhood—the woman time has shaped. I do not love a memory and ask you to return; I love the soul God carried through a fire you never earned. If I ever stand beside you, let me come with empty hands— No hiding, no possession, just a heart that understands. You were not lacking. I was not trapped. I chose the lust. I broke the trust. My love survived the distance— My faithfulness did not. Father, make me tender Where sin once made me hard. I remember who we were Before the years knew how to wound: The girl who saw a future, And the boy who left too soon. But I will not pull you backward Just to soothe what I regret. I would meet you in the daylight, As the woman you are today. Your soul still knows my footsteps. Mine still remembers your voice. Let God alone decide the road— And let truth become our choice. After seventeen years, My heart still turns toward you. Not to make a claim, Just to finally speak the truth: You were the love of my youth, You are the love I could not outrun. And our souls are still looking— Father, lead us where You want. Woman of my youth, First home my heart once knew— I am done outrunning love. I am done outrunning truth. Whatever God is writing, I will hold with open hands. But after seventeen years, My soul still looks for yours.