A Million Times Over

I thought I was chasing life… Turns out…I was running from me. I called the garden a prison, called the desert paradise. Traded truth for a whisper, traded peace to feed my pride. She said, “Don’t cross this line,” I swore she couldn’t understand. Now I know God was reaching through the woman holding my hand. I called conviction control, called mercy a set of chains. Thought I was breaking free while I was breaking everything. The devil never made me—I chose my own desire. I burned the home You gave me just to chase another fire. I mistook warning for rejection. I mistook patience for restraint. I mistook love for my enemy… Now every sunrise bears my name. I chose the lie over the truth. I traded forever for something new. I broke the hands that carried mine. Now I live one day at a time. Seventeen years and the echoes remain. Every tomorrow still whispers my name. Some debts are measured in tears, not time… And I’ve been paying mine. Pictures stood still while the years moved on. My children grew up while their father was gone. Every birthday candle, every Christmas light, Reminds me love was worth another fight. I chased what glittered, abandoned the gold. Bought a lie that left my spirit cold. I was so busy trying to find myself… I became somebody nobody else could help. I wasn’t trapped. I wasn’t forced. I knew the truth… And chose another course. I didn’t stumble. I didn’t drift. I opened both hands… And dropped the gift. If your heart is wandering… listen before it’s gone. The voice calling you home may not call for long. Don’t trade a covenant for a passing flame. The fire burns out… but the scars remain. I chose the lie over the truth. Now I wear the proof. If one father stays… If one husband turns around… Then these ruins become a warning instead of a grave. The greatest love I ever lost… Was the one I was already holding. She wasn’t standing in my way… She was standing between me… And the worst decision…of my life.